she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
