For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
