The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
