the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
