Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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