GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
