I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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