i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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