Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
