My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
