saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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