im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
