just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you never un-have a 4some
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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