I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize