he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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