thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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