are you still at the devil's house?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
