You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
