When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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