That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
