im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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