just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize