She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
