While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
