i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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