So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize