i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
