Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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