Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
