I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
