its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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