she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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