this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
