Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
time to smoke my breakfast
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
