officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
