He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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