i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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