A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
