Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize