i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
