Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize