This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
