my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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