Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
