I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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