A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
