I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
