He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
