My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
