I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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