Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
