Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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