My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
