Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
