guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
