I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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