the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
