i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
