So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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