Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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