how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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