Just fell off a train. Bad.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
