woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
