Four minutes until I can fart!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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