i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
