While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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