i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
