You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
