Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
