woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
