Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
