meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
