we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
