i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
