Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
