There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
