His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
