So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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