Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
