Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
