I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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