I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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