I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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