I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
