don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
