i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
