i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i dont even know how to be here
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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