where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I touched a dick in church today
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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