I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
