Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
