He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
