alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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